W02: Marriage Trends; Divorce.

One of the topics in the readings were speaking of the results of children growing up in divorced families vs. living with a two-parent home where the couple is constantly fighting. It seems that it all comes down to contention greatly affecting children. I have a great deal of experience being around children of single parent families. Although my parents have been married 49 years, they have three children that are divorced. I have been able to observe the relationships between the divorced couples and how their children have responded. Not only have immediate family relationships changed, but extended family relationships have changed. It isn’t always comfortable to stay friends with the ex-in-laws. I know my sister doesn’t like when we talk to her ex-husband. Their divorce was not fully on the part of one party. It doesn’t only damage the children’s relationships, but also relationships with other members of the family.

 I was thinking about the quote by President Kimbell which says, “The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.” This obviously talks about divorce and staying close to our families. But there are those few circumstances when divorce and single parenthood is not the choice of one of the spouses. In the case of one of my siblings. It has been 14 years since my sister divorced. What I have witnessed is her sacrifice to make sure she has kept a good relationship with her ex-husband by being kind and accepting of his life choices even though they go against what she believes. The family is important to her. It has been hard because she’s done it alone. But teaching her children to follow in the footsteps of Jesus Christ has been a top priority for her. This has resulted in two great teenagers. I will say that she has worked to be a quality parent despite her circumstances.

The way an ex-spouse speaks of their ex is crucial to the children. When the children live in both homes it is so important that kind words are spoken, and anger is not shared with their children as a venting method. The words more than likely won’t be forgotten. In my opinion I think sometimes the words against another person come out in anger with no thoughts of the results. And other times they are said to make the one parent feel better about themselves and to make the other one look bad. Feelings of dislike and anger could be formed without any reason because a child can feel protective over one of the parents. This is the same for two parents living in the same home. The contention between two adults will influence the children regardless if they are married or not. Therefore, it is so important for us as adults to be mindful of our children and the stress that they may be absorbing in our homes.