W07: Staying Emotionally Connected

Turning towards my spouse hasn’t always been easy, and on more than one occasion has been very difficult. In the last year there was a situation my husband went through at work. He had made a decision that affected not only him, but our family. I had told him before he made the decision that it was a bad idea. He proceeded with the decision because he thought it was best. Months later his decision resulted in a temporary loss of pay. Before his boss and other employees in leadership positions made the final say, there were several meetings surrounding the situation. When my husband came home and told me what was happening, my first response was, “I told you not to do it”. I was feeling a moment of pride because I knew that I was right, and he was wrong. It was hard for me to feel sorry for him. It only took a few days for me to change my thoughts on the matter. Not because I thought I was wrong, but because I was wrong with how I handled our conversation. I knew that my husband needed my support. He needed me to understand his pain. He needed me to on his side. Our family was directly affected because of the financial loss, but my spouse was feeling alone. It was important for me to change my outlook and show him that I was on his side, and I felt empathy for what he was going through.

In the text there is a credo that is mentioned. It says, “when you are in pain, the world stops, and I listen”. The days and months surrounding the incident brought tears and anger. I do recall taking his side. I knew that I didn’t totally agree with him, or with the company. My husband believed that they took things too far which was causing some of the pain. I was able to show him that I agreed and that I felt his pain. In this situation I had to hear what my husband was saying. He didn’t want to just vent about everything, he wanted me to try and help him get through the trial. I didn’t always respond the way he wanted me too, but I did make sure I became an active listener. We were up many nights talking about him and work. During this time there were negative things shared between both of us but looking back there were definite bids for attention. I have learned over the years that recognizing a bid early in the conversation is key. Once I could recognize his bid for help, I could respond in a loving way the way the Savior would have me do.