W10: Seeking To Understand

Trying to talk about issues in a marriage that have gone on for a long time can be difficult. The “marital poop detector” is something that every couple should have in the back of their mind. We can try to sniff out things early in our marriage. Things that just aren’t smelling right. I could think of many things in my own marriage that have brewed for way too long because they were ignored. Looking at some of them now makes is more difficult because I let them go on for too long. The problem with me is that I sniff out the trouble, but then walk away from it in fear of causing a fight. I have spent a lot of time trying to keep the peace instead of expressing my thoughts and worries in a calm heartfelt way.

Something that comes to mind is playing sports on Sunday. I grew up with a strong belief in never playing sports on Sunday. My husband is a convert to the church. He joined the church when he was 25 years old. I didn’t find out until we had kids that he did not think the same way. When we met he worked in Minor League Baseball. He worked every Sunday during baseball season. Because it was a job that he couldn’t ask for Sundays off, I didn’t talk about it. Now that we have children that are in sports it has become an issue. Our children are in a sport now that requires them to run about five Sundays a year. I felt very strongly in the beginning that this was not going to be a part of our family. He felt very strongly that it was ok. To avoid contention between us, I take the kids to their meets, but I’m not happy inside. He works on Sunday, so he isn’t the one going. I do everything in my power to get them to church even on meet days. My kids have expressed that they also don’t like running on Sunday. When they express to Dad that they don’t like running on Sunday, he gets defensive and thinks we are ganging up on him.

I can see that we are in a Gridlock. I am letting it hurt me and fuel my frustration without talking about it the way that we should. All my husband knows is that because I didn’t play sports on Sunday then that is how it is. I feel like I have told him the real reasons, but it’s probably been more of a demand not to play on Sundays. We haven’t sat and talked about the reasons behind it. We haven’t shared where it’s coming from. I haven’t heard him express why it is so important to him. We don’t seem to understand each other and our feelings behind it. There needs to be understanding without criticism and without negativity. If we can have charity when we talk to and think about our spouse, the conversation will surely have a better outcome. I know that talking to my spouse and finding out his reasons will help me to understand why it is so important to him to have them running.