W11: Fidelity In Marriage

I have two close friends that went through very painful divorces due to pornography. Both required extensive years of therapy to reverse the damage that it caused in their marriage. As I was reading through the text, so many of the facts were things that she shared with me. Both couples were married in the temple. The husbands at the time were both active in the church. I can remember one of the ladies telling me about how it started by him watching a popular show on HBO. I had heard of it and knew that it was very crude. There was a justification that it wasn’t pornography because it wasn’t labeled as such. Soon after it wasn’t enough. There had to be more. It didn’t take long for the negative effects of pornography to directly affect their wives. It was sad to see both men who I knew walk away from their marriages to find something else they thought they needed.

I thought back about an employer I had before I was married. I had just returned home from my mission and he and his wife gave me a job. I was out on a delivery and needed a ride back to the office. The other young adults were all busy which only left him to come get me. He told me I would have to wait, and he would find me a ride. When I got back to the office, I asked him why he didn’t just come get me. Him and his wife explained to me that he never wanted to put himself in a situation where he would be alone with a female employee. I thought about that moment many years ago when reading about the progression of unfaithfulness. It starts out innocent. I can see how they were safeguarding their marriage. His wife is also the one who shared with me that when I get married to always make sure computers are in a common area in the home.

One of the ways to safeguard my marriage from infidelity and pornography is to be honest with my spouse. If I run into an old male high school friend, or someone I have known for years and we chat, I will always share that with my husband. I also try to avoid comparing him to others and finding fault in him that would lead me to look at others. I love the quote by Elder Bednar that says, “Marital status in and of itself does not exempt or automatically protect a man or a woman from temptations related to the law of chastity. Furthermore, there are also bounds for the appropriate expression of love between a husband and a wife. Dignity, purity, and mutual acceptability ought to characterize our most intimate relationships. The more we stray from the simple in our expression of affection, the closer we approach the perverted. Loyalty to your spouse, consideration, and, most importantly, the whispering of the Holy Ghost will help you know what is right to recognize the path that will lead you away from temptation.”

 He adds in at the end that the whispering of the Holy Ghost will help use to know what is right. That is so important. If something doesn’t seem right, or we may feel a little guilt about something, then it probably isn’t ok. It is always a good idea to council with our spouses often. Having open communication with our spouses makes it easier to talk with them when issues arise. We are always advised to keep the Lord in our marriage.